The End of Happiness?
            The First Summer Session Report
by Lesya and Adriel, reporting from Langley

Greetings TWU alumni! This newsletter is to help keep you in touch with the summer events happening here on the beautiful campus of TWU in Langley, BC.

The three-week May Interweave session began three days ago, and students are now tediously & feverishly cramming, errr... reviewing for the upcoming finals.

The Caf is quite the happening place. Normally a place where joys and laughter are shared over deep-fried tofu, cleverly named "vegetarian delight" or the main entree chicken gornatiploitwuieor (another clever code name for "yesterday's episode"), the Caf is also known for "Grill Rage" where long waiting lines cause many a student to sin. No longer are there line ups of 10-20 people, however, and the cause of this is not the fact that the food quality has deteriorated even more (if this can be imagined possible), but rather due to the lesser amounts of people attending classes for summer sessions. (A & L would like to diverge a moment, and make it known that those who stayed will receive special blessings from God for going the extra mile. Those who didn't, well, you know that verse that goes "Depart from me, I knew you not?" Think about THAT one. Some of us are getting brownie points for doing our pergatory now rather than later. Atleast that's what Robby's been telling us in chapel to increase our quickly diminishing morale. Pray for us, brethren.) AHEM! Back to our topic: caf "Grill Rage." This is no longer an issue to be tolerated, as the Grill is only sporadicly in existence, entirely dependent on the less-than-merciful wishes of the Caf gurus who find it the only pleasure in their miserable employeeship to cause great confusion amongst students and their stomachs by changing the grill hours daily. sometimes hourly. Their all time favorite is to close it as soon as you stand in line; they cackle like the Wicked Witch of the West herself, as they watch students eye the entrees and attempt to keep their manners intact and their stomachs settled.

In another attempt to replace Grill Rage with another emotion-producing dilema, the Caf workers have chosen to make each person wait 20 minutes before being graced by the holy presence of a maroon-&-khaki god with spatula-sceptre. This, the students quite readily acknowledge, is at least as emotionally-involving as Grill Rage, and serves as a perfect substitute. "I kind of like the variation," said one student. "It give me a fresh way to be angry."

Also in the Caf: Special hours will be in effect this weekend: 10-3 PM on Saturday and Sunday. "There are no conferences this weekend, so we will be closed at three, if that is permissable with you," said Caf Manager, Allan. Though there were varied responses, Allan chose the more positive ones to assist him in making his final (dictatorial) pronouncements. Exceeding his duties, and rising above, Al graciously offered to "wrap sandwiches" for students to take home for dinner. Adriel and Lesya would like to bestow a wreath of deepest gratitude on this servant-leader, Al.

Situated in room 209, otherwise known as the R.A. dwelling of North Upper (a lesser known Canadian Hilton Hotel), Adriel and Lesya are basking in their glory (AHEM) ... trying not to smack into a wall every time they sneeze. They couldn't quite afford anything above "economy class" in room sizes. However, making the most of their dire situations, A & L cleverly "borrowed" many items from the Romania donations in Fraser Hall; 75% are being auctioned on the lawn in front of the atrium this weekend to pay for their tuition (although, A & L have nobly offered to donate up to 3% of the proceeds to the actual original intended recipients). May God bless them for their generosity. The other 25% has been utilized in creating a more aestheticly pleasing environment for the slaving students of Douglas 209. Among these are 8 newly acquired houseplants (please ignore the posters with pictures of young leafies titled, "HAVE YOU SEEN ME?"), a beautiful matching coffee-pot/hotpot set, some necessary articles of clothing (high-heeled leather, knee length boots, a cashmere sweater, etc... only the bare necesseties!), a small, spring green lamp (taken only to aid the righteous cause of studying), and several ceramic vessels for food consumption purposes. Thank you Romania for your spirit of hospitality and generosity as you battle with your own poverty and nakedness. Your example of Christlikeness is greatly acknowledged on this campus by grateful students who are studying to further God's kingdom.

Thank you for joining us in this brief yet encouraging newsletter. Before we leave, let us share with you a few verses that we have kept close to our hearts during this time of tribulation. May it build character in your lives and it surely has ours.

Isaiah 24:16b "But I said, 'I waste away, I waste away! Woe to me!'"

The Caf (a special tribute): Lamentations 1:11 "All her people groan as they search for bread; they barter their treasures for food to keep themselves alive."

To whoever talked us into staying these three weeks: Lamentations 3:10-12 "Like a bear lying in wait, like a lion in hiding, he dragged me from the path and mangled me and left me without help. He drew his bow and made me the target for his arrows. He has walled me in so I cannot escape, he has weighed me down with chains."

And as a parting prayer: Lamentations 4:3 "Even jackels offer their breasts to nurse their young, but my people have become heartless like ostriches in the desert."

AMEN! Maranatha!

Lesya & Adriel

P.S. TUNE IN NEXT WEEK for : Library Hours Update; Writing Center Availability Update; Our New R.A. & Dorm Hours (double feature); and lastly A & L's  summer fitness program (you too, can have a 35 inch waist by tuesday!)

P.P.S. Comments? Compliments? Send your thoughts to Letters to Editors. If your letter is published in our next issue, we will send you a Romania shirt, titled in puffy paint, "We Love TWU Summer Sessions!" Sorry, submissions cannot be returned &  TWU Summer Update a la Lesya & Adriel reserves the right to your work.

P.P.P.S. if you would like to glory in the fact that you have burst out of the bubble, please do not send your propoganda this way. Positive outlooks on life beyond TWU will be disregarded. We reserve the right to destroy your work without any reason.

P.P.P.P.S. If you would like to join Adriel & Lesya's fan club, please make cheques payable to NFCL for Lesya, or Mr. & Mrs. Ifland for Adriel. We will send you an official membership card along with an autographed photo as our way of saying thanks for supporting us. Limit 1 per household. Please allow 6-8 years for delivery.